2015 started without one single resolution. I did this on purpose, because I was tired of always pushing myself so hard to be better rather than appreciate who I am. I think it was an interesting break, although it didn't quite had the effect I was hoping for, and I'm definitely ready for some new resolutions for the next year!
So how was my 2015? Well, this time I can't scroll back in my blog to find out, luckily Instagram has been a faithful companion to keep track of most of my adventures and oh boy, 2015 was full of them! To think I've meet alpacas twice in one year!! But let's not get ahead of ourselves! The year started with a trip to Norway on the famous Hurtigrutten with hopes to see the Northern lights! We were extremely out of luck and most of our activities were cancelled because of the bad weather, but we got to see a few lovely things like an ice hotel in Alta and we also got to enjoy one day in Oslo on our way back home.
Early this year we also decided to spoil ourselves and upgrade our home. My main argument was that I needed a place where I could fully relax. I believed my main problem in this matter was that I had a very stressful job and had a hard time to unwind when I came home because our apartment was messy, dark , kind of shabby and our furniture old and worn by way too many moves. Said and done. Our landlord approved to give us new floors and new wallpapers in some rooms and we ordered some new beautiful furniture. The result was amazing. I was so happy and so proud about the makeover! Especially my brilliant idea to move the curtain rods closer to the ceiling which made the rooms both brighter and bigger! Unfortunately the joy it didn't last long. You see, I totally misunderstood my problem to begin with. It was never work or a shabby apartment that caused my stress level to be so high all the time, it was the fact that I never felt safe in my house because of the neighbors.
Very bad things kept happening in our neighborhood. Robberies, burning cars, burglars and fights. When one person nearly lost his life in our elevator one night in July and our neighbor who beat him so senseless got freed of all charges because he "didn't have a motive for such brutal attack", I had come to a point where I was afraid 24/7. I no longer left the apartment alone if I could avoid it, I was always on my toes and if I met someone in the elevator my heart started racing. I was especially worried every time I was left alone which was quite a lot since bf went on quite a few business trips this year. As a result I simply started avoiding my own home by traveling as much as possible.
I went back to Norway with bf to experience beautiful Oslo in summer. I visited Lund, Malmö and a lovely island named Ven (between Sweden and Denmark). I also explored new areas in Copenhagen (Christania was pretty traumatic, haha!). I enjoyed a couple of days on the Swedish west coast and explored places like Grundsund and Fiskebäckskil for the first time which was totally amazing since I'm completely unfamilliar with the coast and all it's strange creatures like crabs and jellyfish!!
I also went back to my old hometown to see my best friend since elementary school who came all the way from Australia to visit!! It was so fantastic to see her again, to meet her fiancee for the first time and to meet up with old familiar faces! I had several adventures here throughout the year, one including a bright turquoise lake and old mines and another one including alpacas and climbing oaks!
I pretty much went back home just to leave again a few days later, impulsively catching a train south with a toothbrush in my backpack, telling my sister to meet me halfway for lunch. So yeah, we ended up having lunch in a Korean restaurant in Falkenberg, a small town which neither of us had been to before. It was totally hilarious, I tell you! XD And after that I didn't feel like going back home so I followed her home instead and she took me to the breathtaking beach of Helsingborg and an amazing castle and garden called Sofiero. Then she had to get back to work so I went to Gothenburg and continued to explore. I admit, I got obsessed with exploring new places. I never wanted to go home but eventually I had to. Autumn came and a had to get back to work. Although I did manage to squeeze in some autumn adventures as well like watching the super blood moon at 4AM and travels to Helsingör, Copenhagen and Helsingborg again ^^
Autumn was also hectic and exciting for another reason. I decided to start taking driving lessons! Getting my license is one of those things I've been postponing for 11 years because I feared I'd never be able to do it. Unfortunately my speculations weren't way off, because honestly, taking driving lessons is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole life! I've been wanting to quit, every day, the first 10 weeks. I've pushed myself to the limit and even a little bit further to do this. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping and I was constantly mega stressed, night as well as day, always crying and shaking and on the verge of a complete breakdown. I kept telling myself it will get better, and today, 25 lessons later, I can say that I'm positive the worst part is over although I still find it hard. But even though I don't have my license yet, my suffering has already payed off because we bought our very first car as a result! It's an amazingly beautiful brand new Kia Rio! And soon, in a couple of months time, I will have my license so I can drive it too! Until then I can just enjoy every second sitting in the passenger seat knowing what luxury I've been missing out the past 11 years!
I received my first wedding invitation ever this year! (I'm super excited, it's in 2017 though, so it's quite a while left). But I also had to experience my second funeral and my first partition ever when my grandmother passed away. Even though we weren't close it was still hard. I also met a lot of relatives I haven't seen since I was like 5 which was both awkward and fun (but mostly awkward). Other family stuff worth mentioning was that my brother all of a sudden grew pass me and he's now officially the tallest member of our family! It's the weirdest feeling when your little brother suddenly isn't so little anymore! I didn't even see it coming!!
My movie interest is still strong, and my favorite type of movies are still weird foreign ones even though I don't get that many chances to watch them. This year I saw my first Austrian film for example! (Goodnight Mommy, I loved it). My highest rated movies of 2015 are: Patema Inverted (9/10), Mad Max: Fury Road (10/10) and A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (10/10). Last year I didn't have any movies rated 10 so I'm extremely happy to have seen two this year!! :D
I lost two cameras this year, but on a positive note I got two new ones! The Instax Neo Classic 90 came to replace my Instax Mini 8 who broke down in spring, and my poor Sony NEX-6 who got knocked to the floor (again!) got replaced with a Sony A6000 in autumn. My sister has also lend me my old cameras she inherited from me long ago and I've enjoyed shooting old 32mm film with it so much!! I still have a big photo interest and wish to develop my shooting skills, and I have made some progress though the year although I totally wish I had made more. The biggest change was that I started to practice on using a foreground a whole lot more, also my new Instax came with a double exposure setting which is one of my absolute favorite things to do with a camera!!
Other stuff worth mentioning that's been a big part of my life during 2015 was that I got obsessed with washi tape and started quite the collection! I started crafting a tiny bit again, like origami, present wrapping and decorating stationary. It has been such a nice rediscovery to remember how relaxing crafting really is. I haven't read any books this year, however my sister lured me to get Spotify so I've been listening a bit to music for the first time in many many years! Also I won two giveaways on Instagram, which I thought was pretty cool ^^ I don't join these giveaways very often so it was an amazing experience! (Won my very first tsum tsums for example!). And speaking of which, yes, I have been playing this game frequent throughout the year :P
When I started writing this post I thought to myself "2015 has been such a great year!" because all I could think of so spontaneous was all my fantastic adventures, but now that I've been able to sum up most of the year I realize it was a actually a pretty hard year for me in many ways. Not just on a personal level with all the stress that violent neighbors, moving, funeral and driving has caused me but also on a global scale. I've been greatly effected by all the wars and terror in the world and don't even get me started on the refugee crisis and my country's way of handling it. I've felt insecure, unsafe and neglected during most of 2015. So for next year I'm probably gonna have to work a little harder on appreciating the little things if I'm gonna manage to stay sane for another year considering everything that's going on in this world (and my town!!!)
I find my personality to have changed for the worse during 2015.I'm not sure if it's because the lack of goal to better myself or if it's just a result of being too stressed for too long. Another theory of mine is that this personality change is a result of being too caring and humble, so with all the bad things that been going on in this world I got so emotional and so hurt for so long I had to shut off to avoid a collapse. My goal was to learn to appreciate myself for who I am and not constantly try to prove myself but the result was not at all what I had in mind. Today I'd describe myself as insensitive and selfish which has actually caused me a lot of self hate lately which leads to an even worse attitude based upon shame. So in 2015 I need to break this vicious circle with two important goals:
1. I need to be more honest and open. A big problem in my life is my lack of communication. I'm rarely honest with how I feel which pile up enormous frustrations. I believe I have to be more honest to be able to solve problems and I have to admit when I need help. I know this one is going to be really hard. I have the words on my tongue but the words won't come out! But this is my most important task for next year. I'm sure my life quality will change drastically if I can conquer this! And I am sure people closest to me will be able to handle me better if they understand what's wrong.
2. Put an end to sarcasm. If it's something I hate it's sarcasm, and now I have become what I hate, which is a behavior I need to get rid of ASAP.
Thank you for reading! And thank you for hanging out with me on Instagram! If you've made a recap of your experiences in 2015 too, please leave a link, I'd love to read! ♥
Let's make 2016 the best year so far! ~ ♥
Happy New Year!!